Welcome to Row Z, The Athletic’s weekly column that shines a light on the bonkers side of the game.
From clubs to managers, players to organisations, every Friday we’ll bring you the absurdities, the greed, the contradictions, the preposterousness and the oddities of the game we all love…
World Cup expansion plan
It was a good week for Gianni Infantino’s plan to make football a globulous money-making mass of never-ending games grow the sport with the aim of lining FIFA’s pockets improving football worldwide.
First up, FIFA is considering expanding the 2030 World Cup to 64 teams. Why? Well, why not?
We haven’t even had our first 48-team World Cup yet, with the most recent edition in Qatar being the last to feature 32 nations, but a report in The New York Times stated that a proposal has been put forward for a special centenary bonanza with more than a quarter of FIFA’s membership invited to play.
It was reported there was “stunned silence” at a FIFA board meeting when the proposal was put forward by Uruguayan delegate Ignacio Alonso and there would likely be an outcry to the plan.
Uruguay’s Ignacio Alonso is eyeing up a 64-team World Cup (Marcos Brindicci/Getty Images)
However, in a delicious line from the article: “But they (people with knowledge of the meeting) cautioned that FIFA was likely to be guided by financial and political benefits as much as sporting ones when it came to taking a decision on the matter.
“Mr Infantino, who has expanded his influence over the organisation and the sport since he became the head of FIFA, acknowledged the proposal and said it should be analysed more closely, according to the four people.”
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For reference, the current 64th-best nation according to the FIFA rankings is Jordan.
For further reference, if you expanded the Premier League to 64 clubs it would feature Mansfield Town.
But hey, you wouldn’t put it past them would you?
FIFA Club World Cup prize pot
After all, this is the organisation whose solution to the unthinkable prospect of clubs and fans not being interested in their expanded vanity project that is the Club World Cup is to (adopt Dr. Evil voice)… give them $1billion.
Yes, FIFA has announced the prize pot for this summer’s competition, which broadcasters were so disinterested in that FIFA had to call an emergency meeting with TV executives in an attempt to secure a deal.
It has not yet been announced how the money will be split, but reports have suggested the winning team could receive £77.5m, similar to Champions League-winning levels but for only playing seven matches. Yep, that’ll make Manchester City interested.
The FIFA Club World Cup trophy — what they’re really competing for (Eva Marie Uzcategui – FIFA/FIFA via Getty Images)
FIFA also confirmed the prize money will include a “solidarity” pot for clubs who aren’t even in the tournament.
What’s that about? Are FIFA going to try to help ease the enormous financial burden on some desperately struggling lower-league clubs who can’t cope with the cavernous financial disparity in English football? Maybe they’ll step in and try to help out a club like Reading, who have suffered relegations, points deductions, transfer bans and lost tens of millions under the dreadful ownership of Dai Yongge? Perhaps they’ll help out at non-League Southend whose expected losses are around £2m this year?
No, don’t be silly folks. They’re going to give the money to big clubs who weren’t invited!
Why? Well, as The Athletic reported this week: “Concerns had been raised that excessive prize money exclusively for teams in the tournament could distort domestic leagues.”
Domestic leagues being distorted by huge financial discrepancies? Imagine that. Well done FIFA.
Chelsea. Winners
Meanwhile, a UEFA report out this week says Chelsea have officially created the most expensive football squad of all time. Well done guys, great job!
The European Club Finance and Investment Landscape report, which details how Premier League revenues are almost double those from the Bundesliga and La Liga, states: “Chelsea’s squad at the end of the club’s 2024 financial year was officially the most expensive ever assembled, with a combined transfer cost of €1.65billion (£1.39bn; $1.79bn). This comfortably surpassed the value of the Real Madrid squad of 2020, which cost €1.33bn.”
GO DEEPER
Premier League revenue almost as much as that of La Liga and Bundesliga combined
Real Madrid’s squad of 2020
Players: Ballon d’Or winners Karim Benzema and Luka Modric as well as a host of legendary players who reached the very pinnacle of the sport in Gareth Bale, Thibaut Courtois, Toni Kroos, Eden Hazard, Casemiro, Raphael Varane and Sergio Ramos, as well as a burgeoning star in Vinicius Junior.
Achievements: Won La Liga that year by five points, reached the Champions League semi-finals the year after, and then won the competition (and La Liga again) in 2022.
Real Madrid in 2020: Decent (David S. Bustamante/Soccrates/Getty Images)
Chelsea’s squad of 2024
Players: Had to recall Trevoh Chalobah from Crystal Palace because they’d run out of defenders.
Achievements: Having a decent run in the UEFA Conference League, where they could face Pafos or Borac Banja Luka in the semi-finals.
Chelsea in 2025: Pafos or Borac Banja Luka await? (Michael Barrett Boesen / GocherImagery/Future Publishing via Getty Images)
MLS: Not all about Messi
MLS’ executive vice president of partnership marketing Jen Cramer outlined the league’s multi-pronged growth strategy last year, explaining how MLS’ popularity went beyond just Lionel Messi.
Cramer said: “We talked about Messi, but there are others that have come into MLS recently, so we’re attracting this generational global talent. And we believe that this provides a halo effect from their international appeal and cements our status as an international league.”
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Also MLS: “If Messi isn’t playing, you can watch for free.”
Yep, that’s Houston Dynamo who attempted to placate fans who’d packed out their 22,000 capacity stadium for the visit of Inter Miami, only for Messi to be rested.
“Unfortunately, we have no control over who plays for our opponent,” a club statement said. “To show our appreciation, fans who attend can claim a complimentary ticket to a future Dynamo match this season.”
Last year, Vancouver Whitecaps said sorry and offered 50 per cent off food and drink at another Inter Miami match that Messi missed, while Chicago Fire gave free tickets and offered $250 off season ticket memberships because Messi was injured.
Don’t forget though, generational global talents in an international league.
GO DEEPER
Houston Dynamo offer fans free ticket to future match with Lionel Messi out
Social media corner
Get former Everton and Wolves midfielder Segundo Castillo back to the Premier League this instant and give Sean Dyche a top-flight job so the pair can meet on the touchline as soon as possible please.
The internet will be broken by the resulting memes.
Barcelona S.C. manager Segundo Castillo with quite possibly the best touchline outfit we’ve seen 😅 pic.twitter.com/2vVmTktvaw
— Football on TNT Sports (@footballontnt) March 6, 2025
And we finish this week with a worldie from the non-League, where Paul Merson’s son Sam scored a quite ridiculous goal for Hanworth Villa against Farnham Town.
Paul Merson’s son scored an absolute worldie 🤩
Take a bow Sam Merson! He scored the “outrageous” volley for Hanworth Villa against Farnham Town in the Isthmian League South. pic.twitter.com/XRN6ynavDY
— Match of the Day (@BBCMOTD) March 5, 2025
Here’s Merson Snr reporting on the goal on Soccer Saturday (in this column’s imagination): “No way. I don’t believe this.
“I dunno who dunnit but someone’s done something incredible, oh it’s incredible you gotta see this!
“Here’s the replay… it’s the fella, what’s his name, Merzom, and he just flicks it up and volleys it in one go… Nerson… no Cam Lerpon that’s who dunnit. Anyway, what a goal.”
(Top photo: Maryam Majd/Getty Images)
