Welcome to Row Z, The Athletic’s weekly column that shines a light on the bonkers side of the game.
From clubs to managers, players to organisations, every Friday we’ll bring you the absurdities, the greed, the contradictions, the preposterousness and the oddities of the game we all love…
The Club World Cup bonanza
Well, whether we like it or not, the behemoth that is the Club World Cup is heading our way like a bulldozer made of gold with dollar signs for headlights, ploughing through a grassroots football pitch and with Gianni Infantino at the wheel.
It was a big week for the competition with two announcements.
First, there will be an extra special 10-day transfer window in early June just to accommodate the tournament. That’s excellent/terrible news for fans of Chelsea (delete as applicable) who will have time to sign a whole new team to send to the United States.
Could Chelsea exploit the new 10-day transfer window to bolster their ranks? (Darren Walsh/Chelsea FC via Getty Images)
Second, of the $1billion prize money pot to be split between the competitors, it has been revealed that the winners will earn an eye-popping $125m (£97m).
They’ll also get millions just for being there, with The Athletic estimating English clubs Chelsea and Manchester City could earn up to $67.2m in participation-based funds.
Advertisement
Again, excellent/terrible news for fans of Chelsea, who have already assembled what is officially the most expensive squad in the history of football, spending more than £1bn in the past five years to go from Champions League winners in 2021 (the feat which has earned them their Club World Cup spot) to finishes of 12th and sixth in the past two seasons.
In other words, they spent the GDP of a small country and got a lot worse.
Statistical barb-fest
Meanwhile, Liverpool’s Dominik Szoboszlai revealed himself to be a thinking man’s footballer when he had a dig at Real Madrid and Turkey midfielder Arda Guler this week.
Guler did some shushing at Szoboszlai during Turkey’s 3-0 win over Hungary. Szoboszlai’s retort on social media led Goal.com to proclaim: “Shots fired! Dominik Szoboszlai aims brutal playing time dig at Arda Guler.”
The beef-based hyperbole was off kilter with the actual response, which was merely a number, ‘1,088’ — the number of minutes Guler has played this season for Real Madrid (644 minutes in La Liga, 142 in the Champions League, 300 in the Copa del Rey and two in the UEFA Super Cup).
It’s the kind of figure you can only really find on geeky data football site Transfermarkt and, at Row Z, we just love the thought of Szoboszlai refusing to respond with a one-fingered emoji or some kind of curse word. He’s actually gone to the trouble of thinking what would rile Guler and then done some research.
Row Z applauds you, Dominik.
Guler gestures to Szoboszlai during their Nations League play-off (David Balogh/Getty Images)
Liverpool play Everton next Wednesday. What statistical barbs will the Hungarian midfielder keep up his sleeve to rile his opponents? Will he lampoon James Garner by informing him he’s only produced 24 shot-creating actions this season? Or inform Jack Harrison he’s only managing 2.16 progressive passes per 90 minutes in the Premier League, which is lower than his career average?
Expect fireworks in the Merseyside derby.
Millwall mobile
In a move that absolutely no one saw coming, Championship club Millwall have launched their own mobile phone network.
The club say there are “three game-winning plans available to pick from” and supporters will be able to receive special discounts and offers with exclusive rewards for loyal customers, while also directly helping support the club with every plan purchased.
📱 #Millwall Football Club is delighted to become the first British club to launch its own mobile network!
📶 Powered by UK’s fastest 5G
🦁 Exclusive club perks
📑 Multiple plans
— Millwall FC (@MillwallFC) March 24, 2025
Anyway, social media did its thing. Here are the best replies.
Matt: “First British club to launch its own mobile network — you’ll never sing that!”
Dej: “Roaming in Europe is a bit ambitious don’t we think.”
Argyle Life: “Hello there, I have a query about my mobile biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.”
Pete Martin-Smith: “No one rings us, we don’t care.”
Accent-induced red card
Exeter City manager Gary Caldwell was sent off at the end of their 0-0 draw at Lincoln City last weekend. Exeter had a stoppage-time goal disallowed when Ryan Trevitt’s shot was ruled to have hit team-mate Angus MacDonald’s hand, leading to an angry reaction from Caldwell.
So far, so normal. However, Caldwell’s midweek comments took the story in a very different direction. Specifically, a northern one.
Advertisement
“I didn’t run (to the fourth official),” Caldwell told the BBC. “He said I was aggressive. People who know me… I’ve got a Scottish accent. Jen (Caldwell’s wife) complains all the time how aggressive I am to her, to the kids, to the dog — I think it’s the Scottish accent. It comes across very aggressive, but I didn’t swear, I didn’t run. In my opinion I wasn’t aggressive.
“My accent and my Scottishness is aggressive, but yeah, I got sent off for that.”
Caldwell unleashes his full Scottish lilt on the touchline (Pete Norton/Getty Images)
Aggressive accent-based red cards? This is a first. If all referees adopt this strategy, what does it mean for the future of football? Well, all Scottish people need to keep quiet, clearly. Cockneys should probably start talking in sign language.
And Sean Dyche might need to stick to media work.
Social media corner
Club-to-club banter of the week comes from Barrow.
A really tough one to take, we’ll do our best to go again on Saturday… 😩#WeAreBarrow https://t.co/mooD7Zs6eR pic.twitter.com/H5rrqzt9h9
— Barrow AFC (@BarrowAFC) March 26, 2025
Gaming-based joke of the week comes courtesy of Jacob.
PlayStation button scoring for Scotland https://t.co/KQKDr39P5o
— Jacob (@Jsize18) March 25, 2025
Ainsworth buys in
And we end this week with Gareth Ainsworth, who has jumped ship from Shrewsbury Town, currently bottom of League One and 14 points adrift of safety.
Ainsworth only joined Shrewsbury four months ago, back in November. For no particular reason, here’s what he said on the day he was unveiled: “I’ve signed an 18-month contract, I’m pleased to have signed that. I think anything less would have been not fair on Shrewsbury because I want buy-in.
“We talk about culture, we talk about identity. You can’t get either of those without time. But I didn’t come here to manage in League Two, either. So you can obviously make your own mind up about what I’m trying to say there.”
Ainsworth, March 2o25: Joins Gillingham, 19th in League Two.
Make your own minds up, folks.
(Top photo: Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images)
